My Story - Part I

Part I

My Story

After our first loss, a first trimester miscarriage, we were reassured that the next pregnancy should go perfectly.  We had 6, 8, 10 and 15 week appointments where we got to see our baby on an u/s the first three times and got to hear her strong heartbeat all four times.  Everything was perfect, she was developing perfectly, my body was changing the way it should and we were encouraged that things were progressing as planned.  To say the least, we were ecstatic that we would be bringing a baby into the world, October 2011, right around my birthday.  Our joy of the thought of this was indescribable; we were going to be parents. 

I thought I had reached the point where everything would go perfectly here on out.  I had no idea of what dangers lurked in the background.  We picked out a bedroom for our nursery and talked about what colors it would be, we looked at cribs, dressers and gliders that we would use to rock our baby to sleep someday.  Every event that was planned from now until October, I thought about how fun it would be to go pregnant; weddings, showers, family get togethers and more.  I celebrated with the thought of having our baby with us over the holidays; Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.  My DH and I were already talking about the vacations the three of us would go on that next summer.  We had so many hopes and dreams.

I had every symptom in the book: nausea, vomiting, fatigue, heartburn, a repulsion to almost all smells, headaches and everything else they tell you that you could develop.  My doctors reassured me that all of these symptoms I was feeling was a sign of a healthy baby developing so I gladly took on all of them.  I spent 2 weeks lying on the couch, barely eating because the vomiting was so bad.  I eventually went on a generic form of Zofran after many objections from my DH.  He wanted to keep our LO safe and free from medications but the doctor reassured us that we were putting our LO at more of risk by me not keeping food down than taking medication.  My vomiting and nausea didn’t cease until about 15 weeks.  I had a baby bump around 16 weeks that I was just so proud of.  That was the first noticeable physical sign of my pregnancy that the rest of the world could see.  I was just waiting to feel my LO move.  Every time I was still I was waiting to feel the movements.  I’m not sure I ever got to feel that magical feeling…

Please Don't Tell Them
You Never Got to Know Me
It is I whose kicks you will always remember.
I who gave you heartburn that a dragon would envy,
I who couldn't seem to tell time and got your days and nights mixed up.
It is I who acknowledged your craving for peach ice cream by
knocking the cold bowl off your belly,
I who went shopping and helped you pick out the "perfect" teddy bear for me,
I who liked to be cradled in your belly and rocked off to
dreamy slumber by the fire,
It is I who never had a doubt about your love,
It is I who was able to put a lifetime of joy into an instant
~Pat Schwiebert