When Are You Going to Have Kids??

"When are you going to have kids?"
This is a question that I have been asked more times than I can count; before we were able to get pregnant, during my m/c and even now, after just losing Lindsey due to IC and infection.
I never knew how insensitive this question was until we were struggling to get pregnant.  We have no fertility issues that we know of, I just wasn't as in-tune with my body back then and no one had ever explained to me "how to get pregnant".
I had spent one and a half years of our marriage trying to prevent pregnancy because we didn't want to have a child while still in college.  I wonder to this day if the BC caused my inability to get pregnant from when we started trying in May 2009-September 2010 or if I really just finally understood my body?

It was always hurtful when asked by family members, friends and even people I didn't know when we were planning on having kids and how many we would have.  I now know that you can't always plan on when you will have kids and especially on how many you will have.  Both are so dependent on my body's cooperation right now.  I am a planner and it bothers me that I can't control or plan the timeline or outcomes, but I can educate myself and prepare my body!
I do believe that people are just so uneducated about their own bodies and miscarriage that they just don't understand how common it is or how the body works in general and how complicated and delicate the process of pregnancy is.

Just yesterday, just barely over a month after we lost Lindsey, someone actually asked me this.  "So when are you guys going to have kids????"  She didn't know what had happened and that I have had 2 losses, but still, really?  Haven't we suffered enough?  Why do we have to go through a situation like that?  So of course I told her that I just lost my daughter last month so yeah…..  It was very strange actually, she changed the subject to herself and her kids and went on talking, laughing and smiling like nothing ever happened.  I just wanted to say "I just told you my daughter died and all you can do is talk about yourself?!".  I understand that it is awkward for people who don't understand what we are going through but all I want is to be comforted and listened to.  For some reason talking about it helps me.  I always want people to know that there was not anything wrong with my baby and that it was me.  It was my body that was messed up and let my little girl down and that I couldn't keep her safe.  I want everyone to know that she was perfect.  All of our children are perfect, beautiful and precious to us and we want to tell that to the world and we want to the world to remember them.

"When Are You Going to Have Kids??"
I just wish I could tell everyone about why this question is inappropriate to ask anyone and tell them how much pain it can cause.