I just hit 26 weeks on Saturday! Every day that passes I feel more and more confident and excited about this pregnancy. It has, by no means, been a "normal" pregnancy but we have been doing well so far overall. I did end up in the hospital once and ended up getting a cerclage due to funneling but after that my cervix got some length back to it and things have been going well since. They continue to monitor me for bladder infections and I am continuing my injections but so far so good.
I have to say that I do think I have a pretty good attitude about things and that I have a pretty positive outlook on life in general. I'm not a bubbly happy go lucky person, but I do love life and I love spending time with the people that mean the most to me. I am a very realistic person and by no means am I the kind of person who blocks out negative things or pretends they don't exist.
The way I have dealt with issues that have come up in my life is to learn more about them and why they happened and this is what I did when we lost Lindsey. I bought books, I did research, got my medical records to look at, talked to different doctors, talked to other women who have gone through similar situations and I've learned so much. However, the hardest thing to accept is that there are no answers. No one knows what happened with Lindsey or why. All we know is that for some reason I dilated too early and had an infection in my uterus that antibiotics just wouldn't take care of. My best guess is that GBS made me dilate and got into my uterus causing a massive infection. I do not believe that I have an incompetent cervix and I don't think that I have PTL. Again, no one can tell us for sure and I have yet to talk to my doctor more about it in depth but these are my thoughts based off of what I experienced last time and this time. All we can do is treat me like I have all three issues every pregnancy so that we don't have any more losses. That means, cerclage, injections and monitoring for infection every pregnancy.
If you have ever experienced an "abnormal" pregnancy or a high risk pregnancy you know how disappointing it is to not be allowed to have a "normal" pregnancy. You just feel like something is wrong with you, or at least I do. At times I am just so jealous of the women who have such easy pregnancies and can just have one child after the other. I am happy that they don't have to experience what I do and what I did but personally it is hard to accept that you can't have a normal pregnancy.
The main reason for me writing this post is that I have just been hurt time and time again by people telling me things like not to let my guard down after I tell them I am doing well and feel good about things. I just feel like every time I get excited about preparing for the baby, someone has to tell me something like "don't get things ready too soon because you want to make sure things are going to work out this time". It just crushes me to hear this. Thank you, I don't think about and miss Lindsey every day and I don't worry about our little boy every day? Thanks for reminding me that things have gone so wrong in the past and that we are never "safe" but no one is ever safe, no matter how old or young you are. Please just try to be happy for us and please don't remind me of how scary our lives have been these past few years. I do not want to look back on this pregnancy and remember how scared I was and how everyone expected me to fail again and how people waited for things to go wrong. I want to look back and remember how excited we were to welcome our little boy into this world and how happy we were that we were doing everything we possibly could to keep him safe and how we finally got to bring him home, alive and well.
Maybe I'm being sensitive. I know that people just really care and don't want us to get hurt but I do believe that I know my body best and that with my doctors and my husband we are doing all that we can to give him the best chance. In this case, I really do think that his mother knows best and, of course our doctors.
All I ask is that you celebrate with me during the times that things are going well and try to be positive with me!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Belly Photos
The first pic is a photo I took when I first found out I was pregnant!
I am about 23 weeks in this photo!
Hopefully going out tomorrow to get some maternity shirts. 3 of my tank tops still fit over my belly but my shirts are getting a little short! I've been able to get away with only one pair of maternity jeans so far since I've been home so much to do laundry and I don't leave the house often/long enough to actually get them too dirty.
Tomorrow we have date night, well really a date all day! I'm so excited to spend the entire day out with Jimmy! We are starting our baby registry (planning on Baby's R Us and Kohl's but we will see how it works out), if we have extra time we are going to do some quick clothes shopping, then we have massages, dinner and maybe a movie in the evening! I've been looking forward to this day for A LONG time and I want to enjoy every second of it.
Tuesday we have another doctor's appointment, not sure about an u/s but we will at least hear his little heartbeat!
I'm absolutely loving everything right now, really enjoying this time. We are just in the middle of getting things prepared for our little boy and planning the nursery out. I'm feeling good for the most part. Pretty sore with round ligament pan. My hips hurt quite a bit, including between my legs where my hip joints are and it seems to go up all under my belly as well. It's painful just to lift up my legs right now, so I'm having to hold onto something. Getting from sitting or lying down to standing takes me a minute to "loosen up" before I can walk without a limp. I'm pretty used to joint pain and it's nothing I can't bare or handle, just uncomfortable. More than anything, I'm worried about how I am going to handle it as I get bigger if I'm already so sore now. I'm hoping that my body will just take some time then and again to adjust to my new belly and then I will start feeling better. I'm starting to get used to the pains anyway.
Friday, February 10, 2012
24 weeks and nursery updates!
The big milestone of 24 weeks is here at 12am on 2-11-12. This is the beginning of the viability window, a milestone I have never reached before and I am so excited!
Now, 24 weeks is still really early of course and survival is probably only about 50% according to my doctors but that increases each week of pregnancy. Every week increases their chances so every day counts. Once you hit 27 weeks you move to 80% and 28 weeks somewhere between 90-95%.
My big goal right now is keeping infections away from baby and preventing infections also helps prevent PTL (preterm labor). Something as simple as a bladder infection can cause your water to break or cause substantial contractions in my experience.
The wonderful thing is that I can now feel the baby move pretty consistently. Sometimes he still has lazy days but if I want to wake him up all I have to do is put some music on my belly for him and he starts kicking! It reassures me on a day to day basis that he is doing well, every time I feel him move is reassurance.
Although there was some confusion at my doctor's office, which I am hoping is straightened out now, we get to still go in every week and hear his HR!
Right now these are my treatment plans:
I am no longer getting a cervical length every week, only if I have problems or symptoms that something could be wrong. Every week I get my 17 P injection, which the last two have been significantly less itchy and painful so let's hope that keeps up. I have a urine analysis and culture done every week, we listen to his heart tones, I talk to the midwife about any concerns or changes I have and every 3 weeks we check his growth.
This last appointment I was pretty furious by the time I left because I was not getting the right treatments. I had asked the week before and was told it would be checked into but then when we came in the next week no one seemed to remember that I had asked about that. I requested to have to doctor call me because I was just getting frustrated and my questions were not being answered.
The doctor called me and confirmed that I was correct and they were not doing what they were supposed to. For some reason I was being treated like a regular OB patient since I got the cerclage so my clinic appts were not being kept and I was just getting my injection. The whole reason I had to move my appts to Tuesdays was to see the midwife so that made no sense. I am going to have a fit if they screw up again next week! I obviously understand how important it is to keep these infections away and be checking for them and I will not let something happen to my baby because I didn't want to step on toes or question what was happening. Everyone at the office generally does a good job of explaining things to us but I really dislike when people are telling me all different things.
I have been so sore lately. I'm sure it has somewhat to do with my muscles being weak from not being allowed to use them and resting so much. I'm hoping I can slowly get back to doing more and more so I'm not totally out of shape and exhausted when the baby gets here. I am having horrible round ligament pains. My joints in my hips hurt the worst, it goes from between my legs all the way up to my belly. It's hard for me to even lift up one leg right now without holding onto something! The pain is also under and around the bottom of my stomach, just not a great feeling! It seems that somedays are better than others and I'm hoping the good days will become more prominent!
Here is the bedding set we ordered! It came in just the other day! We didn't get everything in this room but the main stuff came with the set. I am planning on painting our own wall art that will go along with this set! I also have to figure out what color to paint the room. We already have a blue carpet in that we aren't going to replace because it is pretty new. Any ideas on paint colors? We do not have and are not planning on getting the border considering it would cost a ridiculous amount of money (unless someone can find it cheaper LOL). That would be a great way to separate two different wall colors. I love to paint walls so any kind of ideas are appreciated!
Now, 24 weeks is still really early of course and survival is probably only about 50% according to my doctors but that increases each week of pregnancy. Every week increases their chances so every day counts. Once you hit 27 weeks you move to 80% and 28 weeks somewhere between 90-95%.
My big goal right now is keeping infections away from baby and preventing infections also helps prevent PTL (preterm labor). Something as simple as a bladder infection can cause your water to break or cause substantial contractions in my experience.
The wonderful thing is that I can now feel the baby move pretty consistently. Sometimes he still has lazy days but if I want to wake him up all I have to do is put some music on my belly for him and he starts kicking! It reassures me on a day to day basis that he is doing well, every time I feel him move is reassurance.
Although there was some confusion at my doctor's office, which I am hoping is straightened out now, we get to still go in every week and hear his HR!
Right now these are my treatment plans:
I am no longer getting a cervical length every week, only if I have problems or symptoms that something could be wrong. Every week I get my 17 P injection, which the last two have been significantly less itchy and painful so let's hope that keeps up. I have a urine analysis and culture done every week, we listen to his heart tones, I talk to the midwife about any concerns or changes I have and every 3 weeks we check his growth.
This last appointment I was pretty furious by the time I left because I was not getting the right treatments. I had asked the week before and was told it would be checked into but then when we came in the next week no one seemed to remember that I had asked about that. I requested to have to doctor call me because I was just getting frustrated and my questions were not being answered.
The doctor called me and confirmed that I was correct and they were not doing what they were supposed to. For some reason I was being treated like a regular OB patient since I got the cerclage so my clinic appts were not being kept and I was just getting my injection. The whole reason I had to move my appts to Tuesdays was to see the midwife so that made no sense. I am going to have a fit if they screw up again next week! I obviously understand how important it is to keep these infections away and be checking for them and I will not let something happen to my baby because I didn't want to step on toes or question what was happening. Everyone at the office generally does a good job of explaining things to us but I really dislike when people are telling me all different things.
I have been so sore lately. I'm sure it has somewhat to do with my muscles being weak from not being allowed to use them and resting so much. I'm hoping I can slowly get back to doing more and more so I'm not totally out of shape and exhausted when the baby gets here. I am having horrible round ligament pains. My joints in my hips hurt the worst, it goes from between my legs all the way up to my belly. It's hard for me to even lift up one leg right now without holding onto something! The pain is also under and around the bottom of my stomach, just not a great feeling! It seems that somedays are better than others and I'm hoping the good days will become more prominent!
We are planning on putting this little saying up somewhere on one of the walls in the nursery. I just really loved it!
I am hoping these stick! On the reviews half of the people said they didn't stick and the other half said they said they did so we will see! We will have freshly painted walls so I'm hoping that will help?
Here are some of my animal wall clings!
We are planning on having a wall of large white cabinets in the nursery so I want to decorate them with some stickers that will be easily removable. If you haven't guessed, I am the one who loves animals and dh had to give in to some kind of animal art :D
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