Doing it again

Here I am, 17 weeks pregnant.  5th pregnancy, one healthy perfect little boy at home and 3 angels.

I really don't know how else to say it..... but the first 3-4 months are terrifying.  The first 3 months are plagued with nausea and vomiting, exhaustion and an enormous amount of stress and worry.  This pregnancy I was not put on progesterone, not because my doctor decided I didn't need it but more because I went to a new doctor and didn't push it after my MFM doc said it was pointless.

Apparently, the consequence for taking progesterone supplements (for me) was not being able to keep anything down and forced me to go on anti-nausea meds.  This time I wasn't on anything, just had a really acidic stomach and lots of nausea.

This pregnancy I woke up around 12 weeks in the middle of the night bleeding, of course, it was also the evening before my Dr appt.  Since I was hysterical (we hadn't checked on the baby since 8 weeks) dh took me to the ER right away.  That was an ordeal in itself but it ended up that the baby was perfectly fine and actually waved to us on u/s!  I think next time I need to either learn to use a doppler OR be seen at the dr. office more than once a month....

The cerclage:
The hospital scheduling at MFM at the hospital I go to would not listen to a thing I said and acted like I had no idea what I was talking about.  I told her I needed to be in as early as possible because I needed a cerclage around 14 weeks and preferred to have the consult asap.  She refused to let me in earlier than 14 weeks because it was around a "holiday" (4th of July).  I really don't care about your holiday when it comes to taking care of my growing baby....excuse me for my insensitivity!

Got in and had the cerclage a week after my consultation (around 15 weeks).
During the cerclage they don't put you out, you are awake because it's not a complicated surgery and it's better for the baby.  The last cerclage they gave me medication to "relax" and actually ended up putting me out because I was so anxious.  They told me this time I would get no medication to help me relax and I was very nervous.  I HATE not being able to feel half of my body; they do a spinal so you are completely numb and paralyzed from just below the stomach down.
Thankfully my anesthesiologist was amazing and helped keep me calm the whole time.

When the procedure was almost done my doctor informed me that my cervix was dilated about 2 centimeters, was thin and very short.  She put in 2 cerclages.  Then she said that my cervix was very irritated (which probably is why I had bleeding before) and would not stop bleeding.  They began calling around the hospital to find some clotting meds.  After all of this news, and probably partly due to the anesthesia, I started shaking uncontrollably.  I was terribly worried about what would happen. Would I have to be on bedrest? Could I have almost lost this baby and not even known it?  Do I have an infection?  Suddenly the bleeding stopped and I was able to go to recovery.  I was so nauseous because my blood pressure had dropped with the blood loss.

To sum it up, I was terrified since I found out I was pregnant until about a week after I got my cerclage.  At my follow up appt. my cervix had lengthened by a centimeter and baby was great!  Of course, I'm still scared but much more at ease now that I know the baby is stuck inside!  The next big milestone comes in a few weeks when we check all of the anatomy.

I always think "I cannot do this again" during those first 4 months and then after the cerclage I feel much much more at ease, never comfortable but better.  That is when I think "I want to do this again!".