Well after I got my cerclage removed at 36 weeks I'm pretty sure I began dilating shortly after.
I ended up in labor and delivery once because I swore my water was leaking. They denied this but did say I was 4cm. Of course, they proceeded to tell me it was unlikely I would make it to the end of the week without delivery, this was around 37 weeks if I remember right.
Well, 2 weeks later I was still waiting! Now we were trying to decide if induction would be a good way to go....
Oh, more details on water leaking. I know that use that fibronectin test when you come in and think your water has broken or is leaking but obviously that test doesn't work because even when my water did break they tried to send me home because it came back negative!
The first time I thought my water was leaking I literally woke up with my shorts and bed just wet, sorry TMI but really it's kinda gross to wake up to and relavant to my story. I called L&D after it happened 2x that night and they said I probably just wet the bed! I decided since I wasn't actively leaking fluid that it was okay, and I could feel the baby moving so I decided to just go back to sleep. I highly doubt that I wet my bed 2x in one night and still had to pee when I woke up so I am sticking by the story that my water was leaking.
I think it's a well known fact that pregnant women may have "leakage" issues at times but I think we all know our own bodies well enough to know what's really going on.
I walked around until just over 40 weeks being dilated at least 4 cm. Everyone thought that was insane but I was having no contractions and wasn't in active labor. We had decided to schedule the induction for Tuesday June 6, just 4 days past my due date.
On Sunday we planned our day for Monday, the last day of being just a couple. I honestly do not even remember what we had planned for that day because it definitely ended up being better than we had hoped!
I woke up in the middle of the night to a "pop". I swear I heard and felt my water break and I just kind of knew what it was. I decided to get up to see what would happen and yep, definitely confirmed that my water broke.
We were shaking and excited as we gathered our bags and got dressed. It's always amazing how calm you are when the time comes, you are the one keeping your dh calm!
I didn't really have contractions, just felt kind of crampy.
Again, when I got there they told me my water didn't break and said I could be induced or go home. The "test" came back negative for amniotic fluid. I assured them that my water did break, I have no idea where else all of that water would have come from? A while later they confirmed that yes, it really did break. :D
I quickly proceeded to dilate, contractions were not what I would call intense but I opted for an epidural before they got too intense.
So the warning signs of labor that I had? NONE until my water broke. People will tell you and you can read all of these things that they say are signs you are going to go into labor soon but really I had no signs. It was like any other day until my water broke. I actually didn't have a ton of time before I really started to dilate so I'm kind of wondering how quickly my second full term baby will arrive....we won't be going far from home with that one!
Next post will be my birth story!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Pregnancy/Baby Update - Third Trimester
Well, I've been away for way too long! I didn't realize how long it had been until I got to thinking today about all the blogs I used to read and thinking about what I would like to write about.
My pregnancy was, although not easy by any means, was a success! We have a perfect healthy baby boy names Tyler James born on June 4, 2012 at 6:33pm.
I have just started catching up on all of the blogs I had kept up with when I was home a lot during my pregnancy and I was excited to see some of your new additions and also saddened to see some new losses.
I will just begin with my third trimester. I got so much more confident and excited as I got further and further along in my pregnancy. I started working again and being more active. I was still not doing any heavy lifting of course but I was feeling great and so excited!
Feeling him move more and more was just amazing. When I was able to see his movement, an arm or a leg drag across my stomach or just seeing him shift was one of my favorite things to do. Who could ever get bored when you have that to watch!?
I had horrible heartburn, my back hurt, my hips and pelvis hurt, my feet hurt, I couldn't sleep and couldn't get comfortable, I had to pee ALL the time, but truthfully, I don't really remember any details of all of that! It is true, you kind of forget about the hard parts of pregnancy and all the anxiety and waiting once they are finally here. However, it really pisses you off when people tell you that when you are still pregnant so if you are still pregnant when you are reading this just do what you need to do to get through each day. It's okay to yell or scream sometimes :) For me, it was a day at the spa that helped me calm down and refocus, so I would highly recommend that if that is an option for you, otherwise just spending a day at home by yourself doing whatever you feel like doing is a great thing too! Naps work wonders if you have the time!
A little known fact about my pregnancy was that I had gestational diabetes. I was so mad and so upset and embarrassed about it that I told no one, well, barely anyone. It's true, I failed my glucose test, both of them. My first one I was over by a few numbers and was told it was unlikely I would fail the second one. The second was is more elaborate and you have to fast at least 8 hours, then drink twice as much disgusting sugary drink then wait around for 3 hours getting your blood drawn each hour for 3 hours. My fasting number was too high and my last number was just at the number it was supposed to be below so I "failed". I was so devastated by this, I literally bawled my eyes out for a good hour....just another complication. They set me up to see an nutritionist and I had to test my blood sugar levels in the morning and then after each meal. I had to count carbs and stick to a strict diet. The good thing was that I never had to be on any meds and that mostly my morning fasting numbers were the only thing that was higher than normal. I only saw the nutritionist twice because she was condescending and frankly, uneducated in my opinion. She tried to put me on meds and when I asked the doctors they said there was no reason so when I told her that she acted like I was refusing treatment and went on the list how I was/could hurt myself and my baby by refusing to do anything. I think both dh and I were pretty furious with her and avoided her the rest of my pregnancy! I turned in my numbers to my midwife each week and the doctors would check them as well. My baby turned out to be perfect anyway, a good weight, no health problems or complications so obviously everything was just fine!
I did eat a very chocolatey dessert a few days after delivery to make up for all the dessert I had skipped the last 3 months of my pregnancy!
This is Tyler at about 36 weeks. No, his nose was not really huge when he was born (that's what everyone commented on "Oh his nose is so big!" but it's actually just how the photo was taken!
I got my 17P injections until I was 34 weeks. They stopped them at that time and I was scheduled to get my cerclage out at 36 weeks. I was so nervous about the cerclage removal, I had two of them and they kept telling me how simple it was but after talking to people on one of my forums about it, some of them found it to be painful or not so quick. Mine ended up being not so easy. My doc tried and said she couldn't do it so we would just have to wait until my water broke or I started bleeding/tearing. I told her I really didn't want to do that, I was terrified that I could rip my cervix or cause damage to something else if they stayed in too long. So, my doc took an unusual approach and gave me some meds to calm me down and dull the pain I was having. Got them out relatively quickly (well 30 minutes). Then I had to stay in the hospital for most of the day which I am not sure why really because they said the baby wasn't moving enough although he was moving normally to me! He was kicking and squirming within an hour after getting the stitches out and I could see it on the monitor too. I guess the main thing was that we got them out and I was able to start progressing towards labor!
I have to work in the morning so I need to go to sleep! I will be back again soon to finish my update!
My pregnancy was, although not easy by any means, was a success! We have a perfect healthy baby boy names Tyler James born on June 4, 2012 at 6:33pm.
I have just started catching up on all of the blogs I had kept up with when I was home a lot during my pregnancy and I was excited to see some of your new additions and also saddened to see some new losses.
I will just begin with my third trimester. I got so much more confident and excited as I got further and further along in my pregnancy. I started working again and being more active. I was still not doing any heavy lifting of course but I was feeling great and so excited!
Feeling him move more and more was just amazing. When I was able to see his movement, an arm or a leg drag across my stomach or just seeing him shift was one of my favorite things to do. Who could ever get bored when you have that to watch!?
I had horrible heartburn, my back hurt, my hips and pelvis hurt, my feet hurt, I couldn't sleep and couldn't get comfortable, I had to pee ALL the time, but truthfully, I don't really remember any details of all of that! It is true, you kind of forget about the hard parts of pregnancy and all the anxiety and waiting once they are finally here. However, it really pisses you off when people tell you that when you are still pregnant so if you are still pregnant when you are reading this just do what you need to do to get through each day. It's okay to yell or scream sometimes :) For me, it was a day at the spa that helped me calm down and refocus, so I would highly recommend that if that is an option for you, otherwise just spending a day at home by yourself doing whatever you feel like doing is a great thing too! Naps work wonders if you have the time!
A little known fact about my pregnancy was that I had gestational diabetes. I was so mad and so upset and embarrassed about it that I told no one, well, barely anyone. It's true, I failed my glucose test, both of them. My first one I was over by a few numbers and was told it was unlikely I would fail the second one. The second was is more elaborate and you have to fast at least 8 hours, then drink twice as much disgusting sugary drink then wait around for 3 hours getting your blood drawn each hour for 3 hours. My fasting number was too high and my last number was just at the number it was supposed to be below so I "failed". I was so devastated by this, I literally bawled my eyes out for a good hour....just another complication. They set me up to see an nutritionist and I had to test my blood sugar levels in the morning and then after each meal. I had to count carbs and stick to a strict diet. The good thing was that I never had to be on any meds and that mostly my morning fasting numbers were the only thing that was higher than normal. I only saw the nutritionist twice because she was condescending and frankly, uneducated in my opinion. She tried to put me on meds and when I asked the doctors they said there was no reason so when I told her that she acted like I was refusing treatment and went on the list how I was/could hurt myself and my baby by refusing to do anything. I think both dh and I were pretty furious with her and avoided her the rest of my pregnancy! I turned in my numbers to my midwife each week and the doctors would check them as well. My baby turned out to be perfect anyway, a good weight, no health problems or complications so obviously everything was just fine!
I did eat a very chocolatey dessert a few days after delivery to make up for all the dessert I had skipped the last 3 months of my pregnancy!
Here he is at 2 months old!
I have to work in the morning so I need to go to sleep! I will be back again soon to finish my update!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Let Me Be Happy?
I just hit 26 weeks on Saturday! Every day that passes I feel more and more confident and excited about this pregnancy. It has, by no means, been a "normal" pregnancy but we have been doing well so far overall. I did end up in the hospital once and ended up getting a cerclage due to funneling but after that my cervix got some length back to it and things have been going well since. They continue to monitor me for bladder infections and I am continuing my injections but so far so good.
I have to say that I do think I have a pretty good attitude about things and that I have a pretty positive outlook on life in general. I'm not a bubbly happy go lucky person, but I do love life and I love spending time with the people that mean the most to me. I am a very realistic person and by no means am I the kind of person who blocks out negative things or pretends they don't exist.
The way I have dealt with issues that have come up in my life is to learn more about them and why they happened and this is what I did when we lost Lindsey. I bought books, I did research, got my medical records to look at, talked to different doctors, talked to other women who have gone through similar situations and I've learned so much. However, the hardest thing to accept is that there are no answers. No one knows what happened with Lindsey or why. All we know is that for some reason I dilated too early and had an infection in my uterus that antibiotics just wouldn't take care of. My best guess is that GBS made me dilate and got into my uterus causing a massive infection. I do not believe that I have an incompetent cervix and I don't think that I have PTL. Again, no one can tell us for sure and I have yet to talk to my doctor more about it in depth but these are my thoughts based off of what I experienced last time and this time. All we can do is treat me like I have all three issues every pregnancy so that we don't have any more losses. That means, cerclage, injections and monitoring for infection every pregnancy.
If you have ever experienced an "abnormal" pregnancy or a high risk pregnancy you know how disappointing it is to not be allowed to have a "normal" pregnancy. You just feel like something is wrong with you, or at least I do. At times I am just so jealous of the women who have such easy pregnancies and can just have one child after the other. I am happy that they don't have to experience what I do and what I did but personally it is hard to accept that you can't have a normal pregnancy.
The main reason for me writing this post is that I have just been hurt time and time again by people telling me things like not to let my guard down after I tell them I am doing well and feel good about things. I just feel like every time I get excited about preparing for the baby, someone has to tell me something like "don't get things ready too soon because you want to make sure things are going to work out this time". It just crushes me to hear this. Thank you, I don't think about and miss Lindsey every day and I don't worry about our little boy every day? Thanks for reminding me that things have gone so wrong in the past and that we are never "safe" but no one is ever safe, no matter how old or young you are. Please just try to be happy for us and please don't remind me of how scary our lives have been these past few years. I do not want to look back on this pregnancy and remember how scared I was and how everyone expected me to fail again and how people waited for things to go wrong. I want to look back and remember how excited we were to welcome our little boy into this world and how happy we were that we were doing everything we possibly could to keep him safe and how we finally got to bring him home, alive and well.
Maybe I'm being sensitive. I know that people just really care and don't want us to get hurt but I do believe that I know my body best and that with my doctors and my husband we are doing all that we can to give him the best chance. In this case, I really do think that his mother knows best and, of course our doctors.
All I ask is that you celebrate with me during the times that things are going well and try to be positive with me!
I have to say that I do think I have a pretty good attitude about things and that I have a pretty positive outlook on life in general. I'm not a bubbly happy go lucky person, but I do love life and I love spending time with the people that mean the most to me. I am a very realistic person and by no means am I the kind of person who blocks out negative things or pretends they don't exist.
The way I have dealt with issues that have come up in my life is to learn more about them and why they happened and this is what I did when we lost Lindsey. I bought books, I did research, got my medical records to look at, talked to different doctors, talked to other women who have gone through similar situations and I've learned so much. However, the hardest thing to accept is that there are no answers. No one knows what happened with Lindsey or why. All we know is that for some reason I dilated too early and had an infection in my uterus that antibiotics just wouldn't take care of. My best guess is that GBS made me dilate and got into my uterus causing a massive infection. I do not believe that I have an incompetent cervix and I don't think that I have PTL. Again, no one can tell us for sure and I have yet to talk to my doctor more about it in depth but these are my thoughts based off of what I experienced last time and this time. All we can do is treat me like I have all three issues every pregnancy so that we don't have any more losses. That means, cerclage, injections and monitoring for infection every pregnancy.
If you have ever experienced an "abnormal" pregnancy or a high risk pregnancy you know how disappointing it is to not be allowed to have a "normal" pregnancy. You just feel like something is wrong with you, or at least I do. At times I am just so jealous of the women who have such easy pregnancies and can just have one child after the other. I am happy that they don't have to experience what I do and what I did but personally it is hard to accept that you can't have a normal pregnancy.
The main reason for me writing this post is that I have just been hurt time and time again by people telling me things like not to let my guard down after I tell them I am doing well and feel good about things. I just feel like every time I get excited about preparing for the baby, someone has to tell me something like "don't get things ready too soon because you want to make sure things are going to work out this time". It just crushes me to hear this. Thank you, I don't think about and miss Lindsey every day and I don't worry about our little boy every day? Thanks for reminding me that things have gone so wrong in the past and that we are never "safe" but no one is ever safe, no matter how old or young you are. Please just try to be happy for us and please don't remind me of how scary our lives have been these past few years. I do not want to look back on this pregnancy and remember how scared I was and how everyone expected me to fail again and how people waited for things to go wrong. I want to look back and remember how excited we were to welcome our little boy into this world and how happy we were that we were doing everything we possibly could to keep him safe and how we finally got to bring him home, alive and well.
Maybe I'm being sensitive. I know that people just really care and don't want us to get hurt but I do believe that I know my body best and that with my doctors and my husband we are doing all that we can to give him the best chance. In this case, I really do think that his mother knows best and, of course our doctors.
All I ask is that you celebrate with me during the times that things are going well and try to be positive with me!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Belly Photos
The first pic is a photo I took when I first found out I was pregnant!
I am about 23 weeks in this photo!
Hopefully going out tomorrow to get some maternity shirts. 3 of my tank tops still fit over my belly but my shirts are getting a little short! I've been able to get away with only one pair of maternity jeans so far since I've been home so much to do laundry and I don't leave the house often/long enough to actually get them too dirty.
Tomorrow we have date night, well really a date all day! I'm so excited to spend the entire day out with Jimmy! We are starting our baby registry (planning on Baby's R Us and Kohl's but we will see how it works out), if we have extra time we are going to do some quick clothes shopping, then we have massages, dinner and maybe a movie in the evening! I've been looking forward to this day for A LONG time and I want to enjoy every second of it.
Tuesday we have another doctor's appointment, not sure about an u/s but we will at least hear his little heartbeat!
I'm absolutely loving everything right now, really enjoying this time. We are just in the middle of getting things prepared for our little boy and planning the nursery out. I'm feeling good for the most part. Pretty sore with round ligament pan. My hips hurt quite a bit, including between my legs where my hip joints are and it seems to go up all under my belly as well. It's painful just to lift up my legs right now, so I'm having to hold onto something. Getting from sitting or lying down to standing takes me a minute to "loosen up" before I can walk without a limp. I'm pretty used to joint pain and it's nothing I can't bare or handle, just uncomfortable. More than anything, I'm worried about how I am going to handle it as I get bigger if I'm already so sore now. I'm hoping that my body will just take some time then and again to adjust to my new belly and then I will start feeling better. I'm starting to get used to the pains anyway.
Friday, February 10, 2012
24 weeks and nursery updates!
The big milestone of 24 weeks is here at 12am on 2-11-12. This is the beginning of the viability window, a milestone I have never reached before and I am so excited!
Now, 24 weeks is still really early of course and survival is probably only about 50% according to my doctors but that increases each week of pregnancy. Every week increases their chances so every day counts. Once you hit 27 weeks you move to 80% and 28 weeks somewhere between 90-95%.
My big goal right now is keeping infections away from baby and preventing infections also helps prevent PTL (preterm labor). Something as simple as a bladder infection can cause your water to break or cause substantial contractions in my experience.
The wonderful thing is that I can now feel the baby move pretty consistently. Sometimes he still has lazy days but if I want to wake him up all I have to do is put some music on my belly for him and he starts kicking! It reassures me on a day to day basis that he is doing well, every time I feel him move is reassurance.
Although there was some confusion at my doctor's office, which I am hoping is straightened out now, we get to still go in every week and hear his HR!
Right now these are my treatment plans:
I am no longer getting a cervical length every week, only if I have problems or symptoms that something could be wrong. Every week I get my 17 P injection, which the last two have been significantly less itchy and painful so let's hope that keeps up. I have a urine analysis and culture done every week, we listen to his heart tones, I talk to the midwife about any concerns or changes I have and every 3 weeks we check his growth.
This last appointment I was pretty furious by the time I left because I was not getting the right treatments. I had asked the week before and was told it would be checked into but then when we came in the next week no one seemed to remember that I had asked about that. I requested to have to doctor call me because I was just getting frustrated and my questions were not being answered.
The doctor called me and confirmed that I was correct and they were not doing what they were supposed to. For some reason I was being treated like a regular OB patient since I got the cerclage so my clinic appts were not being kept and I was just getting my injection. The whole reason I had to move my appts to Tuesdays was to see the midwife so that made no sense. I am going to have a fit if they screw up again next week! I obviously understand how important it is to keep these infections away and be checking for them and I will not let something happen to my baby because I didn't want to step on toes or question what was happening. Everyone at the office generally does a good job of explaining things to us but I really dislike when people are telling me all different things.
I have been so sore lately. I'm sure it has somewhat to do with my muscles being weak from not being allowed to use them and resting so much. I'm hoping I can slowly get back to doing more and more so I'm not totally out of shape and exhausted when the baby gets here. I am having horrible round ligament pains. My joints in my hips hurt the worst, it goes from between my legs all the way up to my belly. It's hard for me to even lift up one leg right now without holding onto something! The pain is also under and around the bottom of my stomach, just not a great feeling! It seems that somedays are better than others and I'm hoping the good days will become more prominent!
Here is the bedding set we ordered! It came in just the other day! We didn't get everything in this room but the main stuff came with the set. I am planning on painting our own wall art that will go along with this set! I also have to figure out what color to paint the room. We already have a blue carpet in that we aren't going to replace because it is pretty new. Any ideas on paint colors? We do not have and are not planning on getting the border considering it would cost a ridiculous amount of money (unless someone can find it cheaper LOL). That would be a great way to separate two different wall colors. I love to paint walls so any kind of ideas are appreciated!
Now, 24 weeks is still really early of course and survival is probably only about 50% according to my doctors but that increases each week of pregnancy. Every week increases their chances so every day counts. Once you hit 27 weeks you move to 80% and 28 weeks somewhere between 90-95%.
My big goal right now is keeping infections away from baby and preventing infections also helps prevent PTL (preterm labor). Something as simple as a bladder infection can cause your water to break or cause substantial contractions in my experience.
The wonderful thing is that I can now feel the baby move pretty consistently. Sometimes he still has lazy days but if I want to wake him up all I have to do is put some music on my belly for him and he starts kicking! It reassures me on a day to day basis that he is doing well, every time I feel him move is reassurance.
Although there was some confusion at my doctor's office, which I am hoping is straightened out now, we get to still go in every week and hear his HR!
Right now these are my treatment plans:
I am no longer getting a cervical length every week, only if I have problems or symptoms that something could be wrong. Every week I get my 17 P injection, which the last two have been significantly less itchy and painful so let's hope that keeps up. I have a urine analysis and culture done every week, we listen to his heart tones, I talk to the midwife about any concerns or changes I have and every 3 weeks we check his growth.
This last appointment I was pretty furious by the time I left because I was not getting the right treatments. I had asked the week before and was told it would be checked into but then when we came in the next week no one seemed to remember that I had asked about that. I requested to have to doctor call me because I was just getting frustrated and my questions were not being answered.
The doctor called me and confirmed that I was correct and they were not doing what they were supposed to. For some reason I was being treated like a regular OB patient since I got the cerclage so my clinic appts were not being kept and I was just getting my injection. The whole reason I had to move my appts to Tuesdays was to see the midwife so that made no sense. I am going to have a fit if they screw up again next week! I obviously understand how important it is to keep these infections away and be checking for them and I will not let something happen to my baby because I didn't want to step on toes or question what was happening. Everyone at the office generally does a good job of explaining things to us but I really dislike when people are telling me all different things.
I have been so sore lately. I'm sure it has somewhat to do with my muscles being weak from not being allowed to use them and resting so much. I'm hoping I can slowly get back to doing more and more so I'm not totally out of shape and exhausted when the baby gets here. I am having horrible round ligament pains. My joints in my hips hurt the worst, it goes from between my legs all the way up to my belly. It's hard for me to even lift up one leg right now without holding onto something! The pain is also under and around the bottom of my stomach, just not a great feeling! It seems that somedays are better than others and I'm hoping the good days will become more prominent!
We are planning on putting this little saying up somewhere on one of the walls in the nursery. I just really loved it!
I am hoping these stick! On the reviews half of the people said they didn't stick and the other half said they said they did so we will see! We will have freshly painted walls so I'm hoping that will help?
Here are some of my animal wall clings!
We are planning on having a wall of large white cabinets in the nursery so I want to decorate them with some stickers that will be easily removable. If you haven't guessed, I am the one who loves animals and dh had to give in to some kind of animal art :D
Sunday, January 29, 2012
22 Weeks!
I get weekly emails with updates about how our baby is growing each week and wanted to share this one with you!
This one info is from Gerber.
Our baby boy can now feel and he weighs about a pound and could be up to 11.8 inches long!
This week his nerve endings are becoming functional enough to feel. He will now be stretching and pressing against the walls of my uterus to see how his body parts move. I have definitely been feeling this since about Monday last week! He started kicking much more! Jimmy has even been able to feel him this week, the first time was Friday night 1/27.
Our baby boy's eyes will complete formation this week but the iris will still lack pigmentation.
His pancreas is also developing more this week.
He sleeps about 12-14 hours a day now.
I am doing as well as can be expected. Overanalyzing every ache, pain and change in pressure is still part of my daily life but now I just tend to think more about what it could be and if it could be a sign that something is wrong.
The cerclage causes twinges once in a while and sharp pains if I move to quickly in the wrong direction. The twinges actually feel like the baby is kicking really low, but of course that isn't what it is.
I spend a lot more time resting on the couch or in bed just in fear that if I do too much it could cause problems. When I start having cramps or pressure I always head to the couch or to the bed to rest until I feel better.
I'm not sure if you can imagine or not, I know some of you can, that living in fear every day during your pregnancy is emotionally draining. One phrase that I know many of us use goes something like "Today I am pregnant and everything is okay". This is the phrase that we use, especially when we are scared, worried or stressed out. You really do have to take one day at a time and sometimes it is more like hour to hour or minute by minute. Thinking too far ahead and worrying about what could happen will drive you crazy. We all have our freak out moments where we imagine something is wrong and cannot calm ourselves down until we see that little one on the ultrasound screen and see the flicker of his little heart and his kicking limbs.
I am always so thankful for my husband, he is really what keeps me together right now. He is really the only person who can calm me down when I get upset and who can truly understand my fears and worries.
I am emotional? Uh, yeah. Do the hormones contribute to my emotions? Yes, of course they do but so does this situation we are in and all the fear that comes with it. Like I said before, it is absolutely exhausting and just emotionally draining!
When little things go wrong, I sometimes have irrational reactions but really I think that it is just the stress and frustration coming out.
The emotional side of it all isn't a joke and it is not funny to say that I'm hormonal and really, if anyone says that to me they can bet they are going to get some emotional and hormonal reactions! :D If you don't know, if you haven't experienced anything like this then you don't have the right to make jokes about how I am feeling and what we are going through.
I love that people open up about their experiences or people that they know that had something similar happen to them. It makes us all feel connected, although I wish we didn't have to connect in that way. I always try to remind people though, that each situation is different. Everyone's story is different; their experiences, why they lost their baby, their complications, how old their baby was, how they dealt with the pain….it is all different for every single person and it is very important to remember that, I believe.
Here is the baby blanket I am crocheting him. Nothing fancy since I am new at it but it's still fun! You can also see my growing belly in this pic!
This one info is from Gerber.
Our baby boy can now feel and he weighs about a pound and could be up to 11.8 inches long!
This week his nerve endings are becoming functional enough to feel. He will now be stretching and pressing against the walls of my uterus to see how his body parts move. I have definitely been feeling this since about Monday last week! He started kicking much more! Jimmy has even been able to feel him this week, the first time was Friday night 1/27.
Our baby boy's eyes will complete formation this week but the iris will still lack pigmentation.
His pancreas is also developing more this week.
He sleeps about 12-14 hours a day now.
I am doing as well as can be expected. Overanalyzing every ache, pain and change in pressure is still part of my daily life but now I just tend to think more about what it could be and if it could be a sign that something is wrong.
The cerclage causes twinges once in a while and sharp pains if I move to quickly in the wrong direction. The twinges actually feel like the baby is kicking really low, but of course that isn't what it is.
I spend a lot more time resting on the couch or in bed just in fear that if I do too much it could cause problems. When I start having cramps or pressure I always head to the couch or to the bed to rest until I feel better.
I'm not sure if you can imagine or not, I know some of you can, that living in fear every day during your pregnancy is emotionally draining. One phrase that I know many of us use goes something like "Today I am pregnant and everything is okay". This is the phrase that we use, especially when we are scared, worried or stressed out. You really do have to take one day at a time and sometimes it is more like hour to hour or minute by minute. Thinking too far ahead and worrying about what could happen will drive you crazy. We all have our freak out moments where we imagine something is wrong and cannot calm ourselves down until we see that little one on the ultrasound screen and see the flicker of his little heart and his kicking limbs.
I am always so thankful for my husband, he is really what keeps me together right now. He is really the only person who can calm me down when I get upset and who can truly understand my fears and worries.
I am emotional? Uh, yeah. Do the hormones contribute to my emotions? Yes, of course they do but so does this situation we are in and all the fear that comes with it. Like I said before, it is absolutely exhausting and just emotionally draining!
When little things go wrong, I sometimes have irrational reactions but really I think that it is just the stress and frustration coming out.
The emotional side of it all isn't a joke and it is not funny to say that I'm hormonal and really, if anyone says that to me they can bet they are going to get some emotional and hormonal reactions! :D If you don't know, if you haven't experienced anything like this then you don't have the right to make jokes about how I am feeling and what we are going through.
I love that people open up about their experiences or people that they know that had something similar happen to them. It makes us all feel connected, although I wish we didn't have to connect in that way. I always try to remind people though, that each situation is different. Everyone's story is different; their experiences, why they lost their baby, their complications, how old their baby was, how they dealt with the pain….it is all different for every single person and it is very important to remember that, I believe.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Update after follow-up cerclage appointment
We went at 8am today to RMH MFM to check up on how my cerclage and cervix is holding up.
I had been on the couch or in bed since Monday after being released from the hospital until today.
My cervical length was 3.5cm! It was 3cm the day of the cerclage, which is what it should be around 3cm but it actually gained some length and stability after the cerclage and resting. There was also NO more funneling! You can see the two stitches on the ultrasound screen, which I think is pretty interesting.
Jimmy and I were so relieved, I cannot tell you how happy this news made us!
Baby boy was doing great when we checked on him, HR at 151. He was kicking and putting his legs up and just having a good time, LOL. He has been very active today, which I love, it is reassuring and always makes me smile!
Dr. P is letting me get back to my "normal" activities now. She said no marathons though :D I'm too afraid to do too much anyway and the restrictions I mentioned in a previous post still apply.
We are still going in for weekly appointments that will include an ultrasound to check the baby's heart rate and a scan of my cervix and stitches. I will also be checked for bladder infections weekly and of course, get my 17P injections.
I actually did not have a bladder infection on Monday like they thought. I had an vaginal infection of group b strep, which is what they thought happened when we lost Lindsey. As I mentioned before, I am a chronic carrier of GBS and apparently prone to an overgrowth of this bacteria. Many people carry this bacteria but pregnant women are screened for it because if you are positive and have a vaginal birth you must be treated with antibiotics during delivery to protect the baby. Usually women are not screened until they near delivery.
Here's the little guy from today!! He looks like he's making a sucking face or something LOL - so cute! You can see one of his knees pulled up towards his chest, he was kicking around during the u/s!
I am about 22 weeks now and 24 weeks marks the beginning of the viability window. However, babies born this early can have a lot of complications and can be hospitalized for months. We are hoping that we can get at least to 28 weeks where babies have a very very good chance of survival when born at this GA (gestational age), but hopefully we will get to 37 weeks where he will be considered full term!
I had been on the couch or in bed since Monday after being released from the hospital until today.
My cervical length was 3.5cm! It was 3cm the day of the cerclage, which is what it should be around 3cm but it actually gained some length and stability after the cerclage and resting. There was also NO more funneling! You can see the two stitches on the ultrasound screen, which I think is pretty interesting.
Jimmy and I were so relieved, I cannot tell you how happy this news made us!
Baby boy was doing great when we checked on him, HR at 151. He was kicking and putting his legs up and just having a good time, LOL. He has been very active today, which I love, it is reassuring and always makes me smile!
Dr. P is letting me get back to my "normal" activities now. She said no marathons though :D I'm too afraid to do too much anyway and the restrictions I mentioned in a previous post still apply.
We are still going in for weekly appointments that will include an ultrasound to check the baby's heart rate and a scan of my cervix and stitches. I will also be checked for bladder infections weekly and of course, get my 17P injections.
I actually did not have a bladder infection on Monday like they thought. I had an vaginal infection of group b strep, which is what they thought happened when we lost Lindsey. As I mentioned before, I am a chronic carrier of GBS and apparently prone to an overgrowth of this bacteria. Many people carry this bacteria but pregnant women are screened for it because if you are positive and have a vaginal birth you must be treated with antibiotics during delivery to protect the baby. Usually women are not screened until they near delivery.
I am about 22 weeks now and 24 weeks marks the beginning of the viability window. However, babies born this early can have a lot of complications and can be hospitalized for months. We are hoping that we can get at least to 28 weeks where babies have a very very good chance of survival when born at this GA (gestational age), but hopefully we will get to 37 weeks where he will be considered full term!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Unplanned Cerclage
On Sunday, I was a little crampy but I wasn't really worried about it. It felt like I was having round ligament pain and also that maybe I had a bladder infection again. I have to remind you that the type of bladder infections I get, do not feel like your typical bladder infection. I get Group B Strep in my bladder once in a while and usually I don't even know I have one until a culture comes back positive. I had an 8am appt on Monday so I felt ok about how I was feeling and every week I start worrying and over analyzed things but they have always okay.
As soon as the u/s pic came up on the screen I knew I had funneling but it took me a minute to ask because I just couldn't get my breath and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. (I'm hoping to put a pic up eventually with what I saw on the u/s and what the doc explained was happening. My cervix was apparently measuring 3.06cm still (that is good!) but it was "dynamic" as it would open at the top and then close again. I was just so upset and scared but trying to be strong. Dr. P came in and told me we would be doing a cerclage today just to be safe. She was very busy and was supposed to be doing rounds so she couldn't talk to me as much as I wanted her to but did her best to comfort us. I was barely able to say anything anyway as I was kind of in shock and my mind was racing with millions of different things. I was admitted to L&D around 8:15am.
She didn't come back until 12:30pm to talk to us. I wish she would have come back earlier because after talking to her I felt so much better and so did dh. From 8:15 until she came in dh and I just talked and tried to stay calm, but as you can imagine that was very difficult. They had me on the toco to monitor for contractions and said my uterus was "irritated" and I had minor contractions and ended up giving me something to help it relax. Dr. P ordered cultures and other tests to check for infection. My wbc count was elevated and I had a fever (I thought i just was warm because I got so upset but maybe not?) so they started me on ampicillin, every 4 hours I got a bag.
Dr. P reassured us that it was going to be okay and that things would likely be just fine. She seemed really confident that the cerclage would do what it was supposed to and that we caught the infection early. She actually thinks it was a bladder infection that caused all of this, probably stupid GBS in my urine again but we won't know for sure until at least tomorrow when the cultures come back. She said my cervix wasn't showing a huge change right now and that it was still closed on the u/s that morning. DH and I were very relieved to hear all of this.
I had a spinal done when I got into the OR but I was so anxious that they ended up putting me out...I don't remember much of it but I do remember starting to panic and then I woke up in recovery. I HATED feeling that I didn't have a lower body and started to get panicky again coming out of it so they had dh come back earlier than planned and he really calmed me down. It was weird coming off of the spinal because I was slowly able to feel my lower half but I felt like it was freezing and it also felt like millions of needles all over (like when you foot falls asleep and it kind of hurts).
The baby was a little sleepy and my bp was kind of low so I was pretty nauseous for a bit. They said baby did great and they watched him during the procedure and he was moving all over, flipping and kicking around. My bag of water was still nice and high and baby was not trying to push on my cervix. He had a great heart rate too. :)
Dr. P said that my cervix was actually open just a tiny tiny bit so they had to place 2 stitches to get it to completely close again. That probably happened over the time I was waiting I guess?? She said she felt really good about how things worked out and feels that I can still carry this baby to term. She said we will now be doing WEEKLY cultures and tests, instead of monthly to make sure I don't get anymore infections. She said that my uterus is just extra sensitive to changes and that pregnant women are more suseptible to infections and I am just extra sensitive. She does not think I have an incompetent cervix, just more prone to infections and they irritate my uterus and cervix causing major problems. I am now on cephalexin for a few days to make sure we take care of any infection.
She said I didn't need to be seen again for another week but has me coming in Friday morning so that I can feel good about the weekend. I just LOVE my doctor. She sent me home last night and told me to call the office and she would meet me at the hospital if I had any issues or questions. She has been taking extra time to talk to me and see us and I appreciate that so much. I have constant questions and concerns, and so does dh so we so much appreciate the extra care she provides.
She said that if things look good on Friday and Monday that I should be able to resume normal activity after that. I am going to be terrified until i get to at least 24 weeks and then I will be doing my best to keep him in until he's full term! This week I'm supposed to be "taking it easy" and supposed to keep hydrated and my bladder empty. Those two things don't really go together do that? Thank you all for your support through text and Facebook!
I drew this based off of what I remember seeing on the u/s screen and how it was explained to me by the doctor during my ultrasound on 1/23/2012. The left is the uterus where the baby can be seen and the funneling occurs in the cervix. The cervix is not very long, mine was 3.06cm during my u/s, which is right around where they want it to be! My cervix was "dynamic" and was shifting from having funneling to looking relatively normal.
Here is a pic provided by Laura Oliver. This was the cerclage used during her pregnancy with Lyla. I just wanted to give everyone an idea of what a cerclage stitch looks like!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Restrictions during my pregnancy as of today
What is my life like right now?
I thought I would share what my life has been like during this pregnancy thus far. I am often surprised at the things that people ask me to do that I thought knew I needed to be careful, so I decided to enlighten you!
I started seeing and MFM at RMH in December around 13/14 weeks. Ever since then I have had quite a few "restrictions" put on my every day life. I am supposed to avoid straining and using my abdominal muscles and those muscles are kind of important to do most things!
I can't lift things - They didn't give me an amount that I can lift up to but I pretty much don't lift or carry anything that is remotely significant in weight. This can definitely make you feel pretty useless at times. I can't tell you how many times I have simply stood staring at something wishing i could just pick it up and move it to where I want it to go. Laundry baskets full of clothes, bags of groceries, and a lot of other things that you don't even think about until you go to pick it up.
I can't work - my doc said no work, this pretty much just means that I don't go into work and work on my feet. Since we run a restaurant I have the luxury of doing some things from home such as scheduling, marketing and all the other computer work and paperwork that I usually do along with working in the restaurant. I still attend meetings, go to the office and stop by work a few times a week. I have been going in more often lately than I had been. I was really nervous around 17-20 weeks so I really just stayed home most of the time and relaxed as much as possible.
I can't push a shopping cart - that's right, no pushing of shopping carts! It seems strange but really you use your abdominal muscles to push the cart and doc said this is a big no no for me! I feel like a kid sometimes because I cannot go shopping alone since I cannot push a cart and I cannot carry too much at once. I always have a chaperone with me now :) Thanks to my sister Jenny who is my constant shopping buddy when dh is working (and because he doesn't really enjoy shopping when he actually does get a day off!).
I can't mop or vacuum - Same as the shopping cart. This is especially irritating because I generally mop and vacuum many many times a week. Now I am constantly bothering dh to do it, and of course, "it only needs to be done once a month" according to him….LOL
I can't stand for long periods of time - I usually use the rule no standing for longer than 2 hours straight. Some days I feel more comfortable moving around and walking longer periods of time at once but I really have to take it easy on myself. If i go shopping for more than 2 hours I'm supposed to use a wheel chair, however, I have made sure that I am not shopping too long because I do not want to drive one of those electric wheel chairs that never work! I also know from watching my mom use them over the years that people just simply do not move for them and I would be tempted to start running people over :D
My biggest instruction from my doc was to avoid stress to avoid preterm labor. I think overall we have been doing a pretty good job of that! That 17P injections help with that too obviously, even though the injection sites have been incredibly itchy lately!
What do I do all day then?
The work I do on my laptop actually takes days at a time to accomplish so that keeps me pretty busy.
I am "nesting" - cleaning and organizing rooms, drawers, closets is a fun thing for me! I have to enlist help for bigger jobs from family but there are always tons of things to clean and organize around the house, that is a never ending job!
I am working on baby stuff! Collecting info, planning the nursery, crocheting his baby blanket, working on scrapbooks, painting and soon I will be working on painting the artwork that will hang in the nursery! I will post pics as we go!
I want to do more baking but I just have been using my standing time for other things lately.
So, no, I am not just sitting at home on the couch all day. Thankfully I get to move around and can keep myself busy! I do enjoy doing things for myself too such as reading, taking the occasional nap, I have gotten a mani/pedi, a massage, a hair cut and have been indulging in buying flowers for around the house once in a while too! And now that is winter, freezing outside and snowy I don't really like to leave the house! Especially since I have a nice cozy fireplace in the living room that I am utilizing as much as possible!
I need to post some more pics of baby soon!
I thought I would share what my life has been like during this pregnancy thus far. I am often surprised at the things that people ask me to do that I thought knew I needed to be careful, so I decided to enlighten you!
I started seeing and MFM at RMH in December around 13/14 weeks. Ever since then I have had quite a few "restrictions" put on my every day life. I am supposed to avoid straining and using my abdominal muscles and those muscles are kind of important to do most things!
I can't lift things - They didn't give me an amount that I can lift up to but I pretty much don't lift or carry anything that is remotely significant in weight. This can definitely make you feel pretty useless at times. I can't tell you how many times I have simply stood staring at something wishing i could just pick it up and move it to where I want it to go. Laundry baskets full of clothes, bags of groceries, and a lot of other things that you don't even think about until you go to pick it up.
I can't work - my doc said no work, this pretty much just means that I don't go into work and work on my feet. Since we run a restaurant I have the luxury of doing some things from home such as scheduling, marketing and all the other computer work and paperwork that I usually do along with working in the restaurant. I still attend meetings, go to the office and stop by work a few times a week. I have been going in more often lately than I had been. I was really nervous around 17-20 weeks so I really just stayed home most of the time and relaxed as much as possible.
I can't push a shopping cart - that's right, no pushing of shopping carts! It seems strange but really you use your abdominal muscles to push the cart and doc said this is a big no no for me! I feel like a kid sometimes because I cannot go shopping alone since I cannot push a cart and I cannot carry too much at once. I always have a chaperone with me now :) Thanks to my sister Jenny who is my constant shopping buddy when dh is working (and because he doesn't really enjoy shopping when he actually does get a day off!).
I can't mop or vacuum - Same as the shopping cart. This is especially irritating because I generally mop and vacuum many many times a week. Now I am constantly bothering dh to do it, and of course, "it only needs to be done once a month" according to him….LOL
I can't stand for long periods of time - I usually use the rule no standing for longer than 2 hours straight. Some days I feel more comfortable moving around and walking longer periods of time at once but I really have to take it easy on myself. If i go shopping for more than 2 hours I'm supposed to use a wheel chair, however, I have made sure that I am not shopping too long because I do not want to drive one of those electric wheel chairs that never work! I also know from watching my mom use them over the years that people just simply do not move for them and I would be tempted to start running people over :D
My biggest instruction from my doc was to avoid stress to avoid preterm labor. I think overall we have been doing a pretty good job of that! That 17P injections help with that too obviously, even though the injection sites have been incredibly itchy lately!
What do I do all day then?
The work I do on my laptop actually takes days at a time to accomplish so that keeps me pretty busy.
I am "nesting" - cleaning and organizing rooms, drawers, closets is a fun thing for me! I have to enlist help for bigger jobs from family but there are always tons of things to clean and organize around the house, that is a never ending job!
I am working on baby stuff! Collecting info, planning the nursery, crocheting his baby blanket, working on scrapbooks, painting and soon I will be working on painting the artwork that will hang in the nursery! I will post pics as we go!
I want to do more baking but I just have been using my standing time for other things lately.
So, no, I am not just sitting at home on the couch all day. Thankfully I get to move around and can keep myself busy! I do enjoy doing things for myself too such as reading, taking the occasional nap, I have gotten a mani/pedi, a massage, a hair cut and have been indulging in buying flowers for around the house once in a while too! And now that is winter, freezing outside and snowy I don't really like to leave the house! Especially since I have a nice cozy fireplace in the living room that I am utilizing as much as possible!
I need to post some more pics of baby soon!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
20 Weeks Today!!
20 weeks today! That means I am halfway to 40 weeks or my EDD, more than halfway to full term or 37 weeks and only 4 weeks from the beginning of viability at 24 weeks!!
Last week at our targeted scan baby boy was measuring a little over 6 inches, or about the length of a banana, and weighed about 10 ounces! According to thebump.com he is about he size of a cantaloupe! Some people hate the food references but I can't think of anything easier to compare his size to so that's what you get!
Before 20 weeks he was measured from the top of his head to the crown of his rump, but from now on he will be measured from the top of his head to his toes! I like this better so I can get a better idea of how long he really is!
Our next measurement will be in 3 weeks because I have what is called a marginal insertion of the umbilical cord which basically means that the cord is attached to the side of the placenta instead of the middle. The doctor said that generally there are no complications from this but that our baby boy will be monitored more often to check his growth because sometimes this can cause complications with the baby causing him not to grow as he should be. I am choosing not to worry about this but simply to make sure he is monitored and then deal with the situation if there are any problems. Obviously, if he isn't growing as he should then I will be a good candidate for a c-section, which I hope doesn't happen but if it does then as long as we are both okay I'm fine with it of course. I am thankful that we are being monitored weekly for CL and fetal heart tones because we are always reassured that he is doing well. Hopefully, there will be no other complications and he will grow perfectly until 37 weeks or more!
Other changes?
I feel like my stomach is sticking out much farther, well of course it is! People tell me it's my little bump but when you know how much flatter your stomach used to be and feel what it is now, it feels much bigger than most people think! I am enjoying watching my stomach get bigger and take weekly pictures to compare. I think it is pretty shocking to see the size I started out at and the size I am now already!
Hormones and emotions: all I can say is…... WOW. Thanks to all the extra hormones my emotions have been all over the place lately. It's so strange and frustrating not to be able to control that and I'm sure it completely baffles people at times. Well, I'm sure it is also frustrating for the one person who has to deal with that day in and day out….. but of course he does an amazing job! It's a strange feeling and I can't really explain it, but if you have been pregnant then you know what I mean!
Last week at our targeted scan baby boy was measuring a little over 6 inches, or about the length of a banana, and weighed about 10 ounces! According to thebump.com he is about he size of a cantaloupe! Some people hate the food references but I can't think of anything easier to compare his size to so that's what you get!
Before 20 weeks he was measured from the top of his head to the crown of his rump, but from now on he will be measured from the top of his head to his toes! I like this better so I can get a better idea of how long he really is!
Our next measurement will be in 3 weeks because I have what is called a marginal insertion of the umbilical cord which basically means that the cord is attached to the side of the placenta instead of the middle. The doctor said that generally there are no complications from this but that our baby boy will be monitored more often to check his growth because sometimes this can cause complications with the baby causing him not to grow as he should be. I am choosing not to worry about this but simply to make sure he is monitored and then deal with the situation if there are any problems. Obviously, if he isn't growing as he should then I will be a good candidate for a c-section, which I hope doesn't happen but if it does then as long as we are both okay I'm fine with it of course. I am thankful that we are being monitored weekly for CL and fetal heart tones because we are always reassured that he is doing well. Hopefully, there will be no other complications and he will grow perfectly until 37 weeks or more!
Other changes?
I feel like my stomach is sticking out much farther, well of course it is! People tell me it's my little bump but when you know how much flatter your stomach used to be and feel what it is now, it feels much bigger than most people think! I am enjoying watching my stomach get bigger and take weekly pictures to compare. I think it is pretty shocking to see the size I started out at and the size I am now already!
Hormones and emotions: all I can say is…... WOW. Thanks to all the extra hormones my emotions have been all over the place lately. It's so strange and frustrating not to be able to control that and I'm sure it completely baffles people at times. Well, I'm sure it is also frustrating for the one person who has to deal with that day in and day out….. but of course he does an amazing job! It's a strange feeling and I can't really explain it, but if you have been pregnant then you know what I mean!
Monday, January 9, 2012
The First Milestone
19 weeks and 2 days today!
We made it past the first big milestone; making it past 18w5d which was the GA that Lindsey was born. Every day is an accomplishment and we celebrate it.
There will always be fear lurking in the back of my mind, no matter how far along I am and from what I have been told and can imagine, even when your LO is safe in your arms you will still worry. I guess we will just be protective and worrisome parents, but with that comes good things too.
I think we both understand how precious time is and how easily your life can change. As you get older and experience more and more you realize that life isn't always rainbows and butterflies and that you really do have to embrace each moment. I know I find myself enjoying simple moments and simple pleasures more often than ever and now I wonder why I didn't do that earlier in life. Take time to smell the roses, as they say. I can say that more than ever I cherish the time with my dh and all of my family and friends. All of those moments are so special and I truly never realized how precious those moments were until we lost Lindsey. Losing her was so tragic and so heartbreaking but she taught me so much.
I have been working on Lindsey's scrapbook lately and I am in the process of getting all of my pictures together of this little boy growing in me to start one for him. I hope this is something that I can keep up throughout my life because I so much enjoy capturing the memories and documenting them and I hope someday our children will cherish them like we do.
Well, I should probably sleep since I've been sick. I've been a little emotional lately so I'm having a hard time falling asleep tonight. Who knows what it is but hormones is what I blame it on…most of the time anyway. Hopefully I can post lots of pics tomorrow after a great ultrasound!
We made it past the first big milestone; making it past 18w5d which was the GA that Lindsey was born. Every day is an accomplishment and we celebrate it.
There will always be fear lurking in the back of my mind, no matter how far along I am and from what I have been told and can imagine, even when your LO is safe in your arms you will still worry. I guess we will just be protective and worrisome parents, but with that comes good things too.
I think we both understand how precious time is and how easily your life can change. As you get older and experience more and more you realize that life isn't always rainbows and butterflies and that you really do have to embrace each moment. I know I find myself enjoying simple moments and simple pleasures more often than ever and now I wonder why I didn't do that earlier in life. Take time to smell the roses, as they say. I can say that more than ever I cherish the time with my dh and all of my family and friends. All of those moments are so special and I truly never realized how precious those moments were until we lost Lindsey. Losing her was so tragic and so heartbreaking but she taught me so much.
I have been working on Lindsey's scrapbook lately and I am in the process of getting all of my pictures together of this little boy growing in me to start one for him. I hope this is something that I can keep up throughout my life because I so much enjoy capturing the memories and documenting them and I hope someday our children will cherish them like we do.
Well, I should probably sleep since I've been sick. I've been a little emotional lately so I'm having a hard time falling asleep tonight. Who knows what it is but hormones is what I blame it on…most of the time anyway. Hopefully I can post lots of pics tomorrow after a great ultrasound!
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