22 Weeks!

I get weekly emails with updates about how our baby is growing each week and wanted to share this one with you!

This one info is from Gerber.

Our baby boy can now feel and he weighs about a pound and could be up to 11.8 inches long!

This week his nerve endings are becoming functional enough to feel.  He will now be stretching and pressing against the walls of my uterus to see how his body parts move.  I have definitely been feeling this since about Monday last week!  He started kicking much more!  Jimmy has even been able to feel him this week, the first time was Friday night 1/27.

Our baby boy's eyes will complete formation this week but the iris will still lack pigmentation.
His pancreas is also developing more this week.

He sleeps about 12-14 hours a day now.

I am doing as well as can be expected.  Overanalyzing every ache, pain and change in pressure is still part of my daily life but now I just tend to think more about what it could be and if it could be a sign that something is wrong.
The cerclage causes twinges once in a while and sharp pains if I move to quickly in the wrong direction.  The twinges actually feel like the baby is kicking really low, but of course that isn't what it is.
I spend a lot more time resting on the couch or in bed just in fear that if I do too much it could cause problems.  When I start having cramps or pressure I always head to the couch or to the bed to rest until I feel better.

I'm not sure if you can imagine or not, I know some of you can, that living in fear every day during your pregnancy is emotionally draining.  One phrase that I know many of us use goes something like "Today I am pregnant and everything is okay".  This is the phrase that we use, especially when we are scared, worried or stressed out.  You really do have to take one day at a time and sometimes it is more like hour to hour or minute by minute.  Thinking too far ahead and worrying about what could happen will drive you crazy.  We all have our freak out moments where we imagine something is wrong and cannot calm ourselves down until we see that little one on the ultrasound screen and see the flicker of his little heart and his kicking limbs.

I am always so thankful for my husband, he is really what keeps me together right now.  He is really the only person who can calm me down when I get upset and who can truly understand my fears and worries.

I am emotional? Uh, yeah.  Do the hormones contribute to my emotions? Yes, of course they do but so does this situation we are in and all the fear that comes with it.  Like I said before, it is absolutely exhausting and just emotionally draining!
When little things go wrong, I sometimes have irrational reactions but really I think that it is just the stress and frustration coming out.
The emotional side of it all isn't a joke and it is not funny to say that I'm hormonal and really, if anyone says that to me they can bet they are going to get some emotional and hormonal reactions! :D If you don't know, if you haven't experienced anything like this then you don't have the right to make jokes about how I am feeling and what we are going through.

I love that people open up about their experiences or people that they know that had something similar happen to them.  It makes us all feel connected, although I wish we didn't have to connect in that way.  I always try to remind people though, that each situation is different.  Everyone's story is different; their experiences, why they lost their baby, their complications, how old their baby was, how they dealt with the pain….it is all different for every single person and it is very important to remember that, I believe.

Here is the baby blanket I am crocheting him.  Nothing fancy since I am new at it but it's still fun!  You can also see my growing belly in this pic!

Update after follow-up cerclage appointment

We went at 8am today to RMH MFM to check up on how my cerclage and cervix is holding up.
I had been on the couch or in bed since Monday after being released from the hospital until today.

My cervical length was 3.5cm!  It was 3cm the day of the cerclage, which is what it should be around 3cm but it actually gained some length and stability after the cerclage and resting.  There was also NO more funneling!  You can see the two stitches on the ultrasound screen, which I think is pretty interesting.

Jimmy and I were so relieved, I cannot tell you how happy this news made us!
Baby boy was doing great when we checked on him, HR at 151.  He was kicking and putting his legs up and just having a good time, LOL.  He has been very active today, which I love, it is reassuring and always makes me smile!

Dr. P is letting me get back to my "normal" activities now.  She said no marathons though :D  I'm too afraid to do too much anyway and the restrictions I mentioned in a previous post still apply.

We are still going in for weekly appointments that will include an ultrasound to check the baby's heart rate and a scan of my cervix and stitches.  I will also be checked for bladder infections weekly and of course, get my 17P injections.
I actually did not have a bladder infection on Monday like they thought.  I had an vaginal infection of group b strep, which is what they thought happened when we lost Lindsey.  As I mentioned before, I am a chronic carrier of GBS and apparently prone to an overgrowth of this bacteria.  Many people carry this bacteria but pregnant women are screened for it because if you are positive and have a vaginal birth you must be treated with antibiotics during delivery to protect the baby.  Usually women are not screened until they near delivery.

Here's the little guy from today!!  He looks like he's making a sucking face or something LOL - so cute!  You can see one of his knees pulled up towards his chest, he was kicking around during the u/s!

I am about 22 weeks now and 24 weeks marks the beginning of the viability window.  However, babies born this early can have a lot of complications and can be hospitalized for months.  We are hoping that we can get at least to 28 weeks where babies have a very very good chance of survival when born at this GA (gestational age), but hopefully we will get to 37 weeks where he will be considered full term!

Unplanned Cerclage

 On Sunday, I was a little crampy but I wasn't really worried about it.  It felt like I was having round ligament pain and also that maybe I had a bladder infection again.  I have to remind you that the type of bladder infections I get, do not feel like your typical bladder infection.  I get Group B Strep in my bladder once in a while and usually I don't even know I have one until a culture comes back positive.  I had an 8am appt on Monday so I felt ok about how I was feeling and every week I start worrying and over analyzed things but they have always okay.  

As soon as the u/s pic came up on the screen I knew I had funneling but it took me a minute to ask because I just couldn't get my breath and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  (I'm hoping to put a pic up eventually with what I saw on the u/s and what the doc explained was happening.  My cervix was apparently measuring 3.06cm still (that is good!) but it was "dynamic" as it would open at the top and then close again.  I was just so upset and scared but trying to be strong.  Dr. P came in and told me we would be doing a cerclage today just to be safe.  She was very busy and was supposed to be doing rounds so she couldn't talk to me as much as I wanted her to but did her best to comfort us. I was barely able to say anything anyway as I was kind of in shock and my mind was racing with millions of different things.  I was admitted to L&D around 8:15am.

She didn't come back until 12:30pm to talk to us.  I wish she would have come back earlier because after talking to her I felt so much better and so did dh.  From 8:15 until she came in dh and I just talked and tried to stay calm, but as you can imagine that was very difficult.  They had me on the toco to monitor for contractions and said my uterus was "irritated" and I had minor contractions and ended up giving me something to help it relax.  Dr. P ordered cultures and other tests to check for infection.  My wbc count was elevated and I had a fever (I thought i just was warm because I got so upset but maybe not?) so they started me on ampicillin, every 4 hours I got a bag.  

Dr. P reassured us that it was going to be okay and that things would likely be just fine.  She seemed really confident that the cerclage would do what it was supposed to and that we caught the infection early.  She actually thinks it was a bladder infection that caused all of this, probably stupid GBS in my urine again but we won't know for sure until at least tomorrow when the cultures come back.  She said my cervix wasn't showing a huge change right now and that it was still closed on the u/s that morning.  DH and I were very relieved to hear all of this.

I had a spinal done when I got into the OR but I was so anxious that they ended up putting me out...I don't remember much of it but I do remember starting to panic and then I woke up in recovery.  I HATED feeling that I didn't have a lower body and started to get panicky again coming out of it so they had dh come back earlier than planned and he really calmed me down.  It was weird coming off of the spinal because I was slowly able to feel my lower half but I felt like it was freezing and it also felt like millions of needles all over (like when you foot falls asleep and it kind of hurts).  

The baby was a little sleepy and my bp was kind of low so I was pretty nauseous for a bit.  They said baby did great and they watched him during the procedure and he was moving all over, flipping and kicking around.  My bag of water was still nice and high and baby was not trying to push on my cervix.  He had a great heart rate too.  :)  

Dr. P said that my cervix was actually open just a tiny tiny bit so they had to place 2 stitches to get it to completely close again.  That probably happened over the time I was waiting I guess??  She said she felt really good about how things worked out and feels that I can still carry this baby to term.  She said we will now be doing WEEKLY cultures and tests, instead of monthly to make sure I don't get anymore infections.  She said that my uterus is just extra sensitive to changes and that pregnant women are more suseptible to infections and I am just extra sensitive.  She does not think I have an incompetent cervix, just more prone to infections and they irritate my uterus and cervix causing major problems.  I am now on cephalexin for a few days to make sure we take care of any infection.  

She said I didn't need to be seen again for another week but has me coming in Friday morning so that I can feel good about the weekend.  I just LOVE my doctor.  She sent me home last night and told me to call the office and she would meet me at the hospital if I had any issues or questions.  She has been taking extra time to talk to me and see us and I appreciate that so much.  I have constant questions and concerns, and so does dh so we so much appreciate the extra care she provides.  

She said that if things look good on Friday and Monday that I should be able to resume normal activity after that.  I am going to be terrified until i get to at least 24 weeks and then I will be doing my best to keep him in until he's full term!  This week I'm supposed to be "taking it easy" and supposed to keep hydrated and my bladder empty.  Those two things don't really go together do that?  Thank you all for your support through text and Facebook!

 I drew this based off of what I remember seeing on the u/s screen and how it was explained to me by the doctor during my ultrasound on 1/23/2012.  The left is the uterus where the baby can be seen and the funneling occurs in the cervix.  The cervix is not very long, mine was 3.06cm during my u/s, which is right around where they want it to be!  My cervix was "dynamic" and was shifting from having funneling to looking relatively normal.  

Here is a pic provided by Laura Oliver.  This was the cerclage used during her pregnancy with Lyla.  I just wanted to give everyone an idea of what a cerclage stitch looks like!

Restrictions during my pregnancy as of today

What is my life like right now?

I thought I would share what my life has been like during this pregnancy thus far.  I am often surprised at the things that people ask me to do that I thought knew I needed to be careful, so I decided to enlighten you!

I started seeing and MFM at RMH in December around 13/14 weeks.  Ever since then I have had quite a few "restrictions" put on my every day life.  I am supposed to avoid straining and using my abdominal muscles and those muscles are kind of important to do most things!

I can't lift things - They didn't give me an amount that I can lift up to but I pretty much don't lift or carry anything that is remotely significant in weight.  This can definitely make you feel pretty useless at times.  I can't tell you how many times I have simply stood staring at something wishing i could just pick it up and move it to where I want it to go.  Laundry baskets full of clothes, bags of groceries, and a lot of other things that you don't even think about until you go to pick it up.

I can't work - my doc said no work, this pretty much just means that I don't go into work and work on my feet.  Since we run a restaurant I have the luxury of doing some things from home such as scheduling, marketing and all the other computer work and paperwork that I usually do along with working in the restaurant.  I still attend meetings, go to the office and stop by work a few times a week.  I have been going in more often lately than I had been.  I was really nervous around 17-20 weeks so I really just stayed home most of the time and relaxed as much as possible.

I can't push a shopping cart - that's right, no pushing of shopping carts!  It seems strange but really you use your abdominal muscles to push the cart and doc said this is a big no no for me!  I feel like a kid sometimes because I cannot go shopping alone since I cannot push a cart and I cannot carry too much at once.  I always have a chaperone with me now :)  Thanks to my sister Jenny who is my constant shopping buddy when dh is working (and because he doesn't really enjoy shopping when he actually does get a day off!).

I can't mop or vacuum - Same as the shopping cart.  This is especially irritating because I generally mop and vacuum many many times a week.  Now I am constantly bothering dh to do it, and of course, "it only needs to be done once a month" according to him….LOL

I can't stand for long periods of time - I usually use the rule no standing for longer than 2 hours straight. Some days I feel more comfortable moving around and walking longer periods of time at once but I really have to take it easy on myself.  If i go shopping for more than 2 hours I'm supposed to use a wheel chair, however, I have made sure that I am not shopping too long because I do not want to drive one of those electric wheel chairs that never work!  I also know from watching my mom use them over the years that people just simply do not move for them and I would be tempted to start running people over :D

My biggest instruction from my doc was to avoid stress to avoid preterm labor.  I think overall we have been doing a pretty good job of that!  That 17P injections help with that too obviously, even though the injection sites have been incredibly itchy lately!

What do I do all day then?

The work I do on my laptop actually takes days at a time to accomplish so that keeps me pretty busy.

I am "nesting" - cleaning and organizing rooms, drawers, closets is a fun thing for me!  I have to enlist help for bigger jobs from family but there are always tons of things to clean and organize around the house, that is a never ending job!

I am working on baby stuff!  Collecting info, planning the nursery, crocheting his baby blanket, working on scrapbooks, painting and soon I will be working on painting the artwork that will hang in the nursery!  I will post pics as we go!

I want to do more baking but I just have been using my standing time for other things lately.

So, no, I am not just sitting at home on the couch all day.  Thankfully I get to move around and can keep myself busy!  I do enjoy doing things for myself too such as reading, taking the occasional nap, I have gotten a mani/pedi, a massage, a hair cut and have been indulging in buying flowers for around the house once in a while too!  And now that is winter, freezing outside and snowy I don't really like to leave the house!  Especially since I have a nice cozy fireplace in the living room that I am utilizing as much as possible!
I need to post some more pics of baby soon!

20 Weeks Today!!

20 weeks today!  That means I am halfway to 40 weeks or my EDD, more than halfway to full term or 37 weeks and only 4 weeks from the beginning of viability at 24 weeks!!

Last week at our targeted scan baby boy was measuring a little over 6 inches, or about the length of a banana, and weighed about 10 ounces!  According to thebump.com he is about he size of a cantaloupe!  Some people hate the food references but I can't think of anything easier to compare his size to so that's what you get!
Before 20 weeks he was measured from the top of his head to the crown of his rump, but from now on he will be measured from the top of his head to his toes!  I like this better so I can get a better idea of how long he really is!

Our next measurement will be in 3 weeks because I have what is called a marginal insertion of the umbilical cord which basically means that the cord is attached to the side of the placenta instead of the middle.  The doctor said that generally there are no complications from this but that our baby boy will be monitored more often to check his growth because sometimes this can cause complications with the baby causing him not to grow as he should be.  I am choosing not to worry about this but simply to make sure he is monitored and then deal with the situation if there are any problems.  Obviously, if he isn't growing as he should then I will be a good candidate for a c-section, which I hope doesn't happen but if it does then as long as we are both okay I'm fine with it of course.  I am thankful that we are being monitored weekly for CL and fetal heart tones because we are always reassured that he is doing well.  Hopefully, there will be no other complications and he will grow perfectly until 37 weeks or more!

Other changes?

I feel like my stomach is sticking out much farther, well of course it is!  People tell me it's my little bump but when you know how much flatter your stomach used to be and feel what it is now, it feels much bigger than most people think!  I am enjoying watching my stomach get bigger and take weekly pictures to compare.  I think it is pretty shocking to see the size I started out at and the size I am now already!

Hormones and emotions: all I can say is…... WOW.  Thanks to all the extra hormones my emotions have been all over the place lately.  It's so strange and frustrating not to be able to control that and I'm sure it completely baffles people at times.  Well, I'm sure it is also frustrating for the one person who has to deal with that day in and day out….. but of course he does an amazing job!  It's a strange feeling and I can't really explain it, but if you have been pregnant then you know what I mean!

The First Milestone

19 weeks and 2 days today!

We made it past the first big milestone; making it past 18w5d which was the GA that Lindsey was born.  Every day is an accomplishment and we celebrate it.

There will always be fear lurking in the back of my mind, no matter how far along I am and from what I have been told and can imagine, even when your LO is safe in your arms you will still worry.  I guess we will just be protective and worrisome parents, but with that comes good things too.

I think we both understand how precious time is and how easily your life can change.  As you get older and experience more and more you realize that life isn't always rainbows and butterflies and that you really do have to embrace each moment.  I know I find myself enjoying simple moments and simple pleasures more often than ever and now I wonder why I didn't do that earlier in life.  Take time to smell the roses, as they say.  I can say that more than ever I cherish the time with my dh and all of my family and friends.  All of those moments are so special and I truly never realized how precious those moments were until we lost Lindsey.  Losing her was so tragic and so heartbreaking but she taught me so much.

I have been working on Lindsey's scrapbook lately and I am in the process of getting all of my pictures together of this little boy growing in me to start one for him.  I hope this is something that I can keep up throughout my life because I so much enjoy capturing the memories and documenting them and I hope someday our children will cherish them like we do.

Well, I should probably sleep since I've been sick.  I've been a little emotional lately so I'm having a hard time falling asleep tonight.  Who knows what it is but hormones is what I blame it on…most of the time anyway.  Hopefully I can post lots of pics tomorrow after a great ultrasound!