Fears

I told myself and my dh that we would be positive with our next pregnancy.  We would celebrate it every day and not live in fear as we did with Lindsey from the first day we found out I was pregnant.  We were always waiting to buy things, waiting to tell people, waiting to pick names, always waiting.  I didn't want to act like something would go wrong this time.  I know the possibilities, believe me, they lurk in the back of my mind but I do my best to deal them!

I am fighting the urge more and more every day to wait and wonder, instead of celebrate.
The first thing is getting through the first trimester or at least making it past the early stages.  After my first 8 week u/s I was much more confident that things are going to be ok.

Being on progesterone I am more scared.  The progesterone keeps the pregnancy going and my fear is always a repeat of my first m/c where it was missed for 2 weeks because I was on progesterone and nature could not take it's course.  However, with my last pregnancy I was also on progesterone and everything was fine.  That is just a very real fear for me and the one that I am struggling with right now.

The next big step will be the second u/s, which is on Monday, November 21st.  I will be 12 weeks and 1 day so we should be able to see a bigger baby and hear the heartbeat again!  I just love watching them squirm around on the screen!
Another thing taking place at our next appt. is getting a baseline cervical length.  There is not much weight on my cervix at this point (it really starts with significant weight at 18-20 weeks) so we are just going to check it and see if or how it changes after the cerclage and as the baby gets bigger.
I am feeling confident that the baby is doing well since I have had no signs of anything being wrong.

We should also be discussing and scheduling the cerclage at the appt. on Monday.  I need to start networking with other cerclage moms because I am terrified about the whole thing.  I have heard tons of success stories but also a few unsuccessful stories that just scare me to death.  There are risks during the procedure, after and every day after that.  I know it's going to be hard emotionally and probably physically as well.  I worried about complications after the cerclage; contractions, infection and bleeding.  The cerclage is a huge step in this pregnancy but I know that I'm going to need a lot of support because it is going to be terrifying for us.  BUT we hope that it is the thing that will help us to bring this baby home next spring!