Angel Moms

Angel Moms are Moms of children who have passed away and we are forever bonded by that grief.  I really believe that they are absolutely the strongest of women.  I have met a lot of Angel Moms these past 3 months and I always walk away amazed at the strength, determination and faith that we all have.  We understand how precious life is and how easily and quickly it can be taken away.  It is our job to support each other and the new Angel Moms that unfortunately joining us daily.  We raise awareness of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss and hope and pray that no other parents have to join us.

One common myth that I continuously come across is that those of who have have experienced a miscarriage and loss of a child get over it as time passes.  Let me correct that for you, we don't.
It doesn't matter if we have lost a child at 6 weeks, 5 months, 37 weeks, a 4 month old child or a grown up child; the pain and the memories are still there and I know that they will never disappear.  

I was talking to a woman who had a miscarriage 20 years ago and she could tell you how old her baby would have been today.  The phrase "time heals all wounds" can be true for some things but sometimes the wound leaves a scar.  Many women, especially those that have had an early loss that hadn't told many people about their pregnancy will keep their miscarriage to themselves.  That is completely fine and normal to do that and feel that way, but it should also remind us that we don't know what others have been through in relation fertility and children.

I can tell you that one of the most painful questions that you can ask an Angel Mom is "when are you going to have kids?".  This is an innocent question and unbeknownst to the person asking, this woman has had a loss and this question brings up the most painful of memories.  I have personally been asked this question after my first m/c and after losing Lindsey by a few different people that did not know.  I'm sure that when I respond with my reproductive history that the people feel completely awful but it still feels like someone just punched me in the stomach.  You get that butterfly feeling in your chest and stomach, you skip a breath,  your mind just goes blank for a moment and then you answer that dreaded question.  Angel Moms understand that people just don't know and that they don't mean any harm, but that doesn't stop the pain we feel when asked.

Please remember that no matter the age of the baby or child when he/she was lost, the memory of our children will be carried with us for a lifetime.  We will never get over their passing or forget about them.  Please remember that you do not know what everyone is going through in relation to fertility so please don't ask that seemingly innocent question of "when are you going to have kids?.