Emotions: Shock, Denial and Isolation

The first stage of grief.
"At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks."


I don't know if denial is a good word.  Truly it is just hard to realize that the loss has actually happened to you.  I don't think I could deny that the losses had taken place, I struggled more with wrapping my head around that they actually happened and happened to us.  You forget at the beginning, like when you find something to keep you busy for a little while you forget for a bit and then suddenly remember what has happened, I don't think that's denial, it's just shock and disbelief.  It is especially difficult when you go to sleep at night and then wake up in the next morning because you don't initially remember and the wave of grief when you realize that yes, this actually happened and no, you are no longer pregnant is enough to knock you off your feet.  For me, I'd say this lasted a full month and then it has just been on and off since then.  


The isolation is the hardest thing to deal with and I still deal with it to this day.  You pull yourself away because people just can't understand what you are going through.  You feel utterly alone and disconnected from your usual contacts; friends, family and society in general.  Most women, I think, struggle with the difficulty of essentially "re-entering society".  You cannot hide in your house forever, but hell, at times you wish you could.  There is nothing that can prepare you or help you deal with "being normal" again and sometimes you do just go through the motions like some kind of robot.  That is something that I hear so often from mothers grieving from a loss and it's so hard to help with this because I still haven't figured out how.  
You can go from not wanting to feel so alone and wishing that someone would call or come over but then when they do you wish you could leave or wish they would leave so you can be alone again.  Weird huh?     
Well, it's just as confusing for us as it is for you to try and understand it.  


Let me just say that the stages of grief really aren't as clean and neat as they make them sound.